"Such tales are all true don't be surprised, When they make you gasp and stretch ones eyes"
Ugh,public transport! So a few days ago I was waiting at a busy bus stop in Camden. Each time my desired bus came by, it was jammed packed and a type of gladiatorial-esque battle would ensue in order to board it. To avoid this madness I decided to walk about 400 metres, or so, up the road to catch an earlier bus, as it was more likely that I'd get a seat. The bus arrived and I was dismayed to see that it was still relatively packed yet I managed to get on and find a seat on the top deck, right at the back. There was very little space: two men were sat by the window on either side of me (we were separated by a slither of a space that could have be called a seat) & two people sat in seats that faced opposite to the back row. Although it was cramped, I was just happy I got a seat. THEN, just as I began to relax, I saw a gentleman board the top deck and walk straight towards me... 'No,' I think, 'He's not going to sit here, surely not...' Bah! Lo and behold, this gentleman (and might I add that he was a rather tall and wide gentleman!!) decided to plant himself right between me and the man (on my left) by the window. He then gets out a newspaper and tries to stretch himself out to read it. Then his mobile phone rings so he has to shuffle about and reach for it in his back pocket and once answered, he proceeded to embark on a loud conversation about nothing I wished to hear! Then (yes, there's more) he tried to lean back in his seat, despite the fact that doing so meant that he was actually leaning on ME, not the bus, or the seat; but ME! It got to a point where he was almost laying on me: arms out stretched, legs wide, leaning back onto my shoulder! What the Hell?! The final straw came when he wiped his nose and I could see his finger glistening with the mucus that had been spread across it. That was where my will could take it NO MORE! As soon as another seat became available, I quickly moved; desperate to escape from such an abhorrent individual. But no! I wasn't safe! About 10 minutes after I'd found sanctuary in another seat, a woman with multiple bags came to sit with me. Each bag accurately bashed parts of my body as she shuffled herself to the inside, window seat. But that wasn't the worst of it...(ugh) I take a deep breath and smell the most pungent of odours. I realise, immediately, that this woman has some serious halitosis. I just want to cry and burn everything! I spend the rest of the journey with my scarf over my nose. Yuck. I demand a chauffeur.